Committing To Life

Committing, Celebrating and Growing through Life


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Frayed Brushes & Distorted Portraits

My mother said to me: “Since when do you care about other people? You used to be so determined and driven to achieve what you want, what the next person thought didn’t matter. When did you change?”

It felt as if she was talking about someone else because she shocked me so much I couldn’t quite relate what she said to who I am. Being a thinker and a writer it tortured my mind to its depths because it baffled me how my strength had sneaked out & left remnants of fear & weakness.

We can’t attribute it to growth because growth finds seeds within us that need to be nurtured and grows them. Growth taps into our potential and harnesses it, sculpting it to what it is meant to be. Growth prunes the shoots that aren’t growing right and allows them to re-grow and take shape correctly. So no, its not growth that completely overturns our character; growth enhances and refines, it doesn’t completely change and create something different.

We change when we are afraid of our own strength. We change when we intimidate others. We relinquish our inner power when we are painted with the wrong brush and take on the strokes and bad paint to become what others think of us. We shake off the determination when we look back at the ditch of failure it ‘mistakenly’ led us to. ‘Mistakenly’ being a misnomer because failure is always there simply to re-direct us and build us. It is never a mistake.

I always ask young people, when we speak in-depth about our dreams, if the little girl/boy they were 10-15 years ago is proud of who they are right now? The dreams they had – did they relinquish any of them because they were apparently ‘absurd’? That fearless character they had – did it get warped by fear and failure?

The more I thought about it over the past two days the more it just made sense to me. My mother knows me at my most ‘organic’. Where I wasn’t tainted by the world or covered with everyone’s opinions and brush strokes. Because beneath the bad paint-work and frayed brushes I’ve been painted with, my true portrait remains the same.

The same remains true for each of us. Tap back into your ‘organic self’, relive your dreams and gain back that character you had because that is your true portrait. Life is one long journey of learning but it should never alter who we are. It should grow us and refine us.

Wipe away the brush strokes and accept those that have pruned you and refined you but let your true self shine through at its best potential.

Have an amazing week.

Life is amazing. Stay committed.
🙂

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Plight of a Warrior woman

He said to me: “she is a year younger than you, has a son and no family. And yet, she is so much nicer than you.”

My question would’ve been: “If she is so strong and resilient why is she soaking your shoulder with tears and hanging her entire history on a ‘public-broadcast’ line. If I am so weak how come I haven’t choked through my tears and told you of days my mother couldn’t feed us, getting kicked out and seeing death as the most viable solution?”

And yet, as usual I contained the pain and realized my strength had failed me in a relationship, yet again; Not just my un-defeatable strength but my determination and the fact that I have never lost touch with how much my soul is worth – I am a gem.

What is the role of a woman in society, families, business and relationships if we have to assume a lesser position, a victim position a fragile demeanor, in order to be cherished?

I have always been compared to warriors: ‘you are the next Oprah, you should write a book, you’re an inspiration..’ Etc. For the first time in my life I was compared to a woman who was eager to paint the town walls with her struggles and lure a man into her heart by seeming like a damsel in distress.

I’m terribly sorry but I will never release my power in order to be adored. See, just like there are different coloured jelly beans in a packet, there are also different calibres of men and women in the world.

It pains my heart to see a woman downscale on who she is just to suit a man’s whims. We are human beings, actually human becomings, and so we are on a path of constant growth and rediscovery. That path has nothing to do with assuming a lesser position.

The plights of a strong woman are insanely difficult and I have seen it. A challenge to men is to man up and a challenge to women is to woman up. It has nothing to do with downscaling to suit a person’s whims.

Let’s have a great week 🙂

Stay committed.

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Finding The Power to Love Ourselves Enough To Speak and Share

We don’t speak. Why is that?

We sweep everything under the rug, we mask our feelings and we conceal who we really are. Why is that? What sparked this thought in my mind was a poem I heard last year. How we are a world that chooses not to express or acknowledge but to go along living ACTING as if we are oblivious to everything.

After pondering over this I decided to look at myself, because to understand human nature we can only begin by analysing that which we know most accurately which is: Self. I am an introvert, and have always been one. However, I am more of an introvert now than when I was say, 5 years ago. What changed this? Simply put betrayal and let-downs cause us to plunge into a safety net which is “distance”. We distance ourselves. I know that that is exactly why I have become more of an “inward” person. There is something terrible that happens when people betray you but more vicious when people who you brought into the most inner caves of your heart and life turn around and slice through your soul leaving painful gashes that refuse to heal. Immediately then, one builds up walls and we step into a state of survival. That is how simple nature is; from Darwin’s Theory of “natural selection” we see that it is an integral seed buried in all of us. We simply want to survive and will adopt whatever mechanisms seem most effective for this.

And yet, what makes it tougher is that people will try and dig you out of your safety because they feel like they are losing you or they do not know you enough. Truth is we do not talk because our words fall on ears that are plastered with ignorance and selfish motives most of the time. I know I’m not the only one that has heard the saying: “Do not tell people your problems. 80% are curious and 20% are glad you have them”. I might be a few words off but the idea is essentially the same. I am not a cynic and I totally love life and people but we simply cannot ignore reality. One could say then, that I am a realist with high hopes. How then do we move from a state of fear into a state of being comfortable enough to be who we are with no inhibitions?

The first problem of being a selfish and judgemental people is that we do not even love and appreciate ourselves. We are unhappy with who we are and so fearful of what we could or could not become that we let this filter into how we treat others. And so, we wait to spot a weakness in the next person so we may maximise on it and ignore our own insecurities. If we can accept ourselves, faults and all, we can accept the next person and celebrate their strengths without feeling in danger of being outshone. The second problem that we simply must overcome is that living a life that is fenced with thick brick walls and electric fencing will not only shut out the world but it will shut out our potential as well. Pain and disappointment are inevitable factors of life and whether you hide behind a boulder or live freely or carelessly, you will go through it. So then, we need to embrace failure and learn from pain, emerging though, as wiser and stronger creatures that can overcome even greater obstacles. Emerging as a person who knows himself/herself better. I too, am on this journey of regeneration and growth, so let’s all try a bit harder.

If we can first love, accept and know who we are; Loving, accepting and knowing the next person can be that easier.

Let’s have a great week! 🙂

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Find and love yourself, flaws and all.

QUOTE: “The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it” – Thucydides (Greek Historian & Author

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