Committing To Life

Committing, Celebrating and Growing through Life


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Hard Hearts & Soft Minds

Firstly, I do apologize for the inconsistency in my posts & I appreciate every one who has subscribed to my blog 😀 thank you, receiving that email every time you press “follow” makes me want to write every day & make a difference in some way in your hearts/minds.

I really value routine and order but applying it here, I’d have to suppress an idea when it wants to be born and have to draft it & stare at it for days till I’m “allowed” to post it or simply post something mundane because I HAVE to post something. So, there’s a time & place for rules and order, and unfortunately my blog is linked to my thoughts so really, order cannot reside here. 🙂

I posted a discussion last year on healing titled: Becoming That Which We Have Killed. Basically I discussed what happens when we don’t forgive the monsters we conquer. I want to discuss again, another result of not forgiving ourselves and those that we disagree with on our life path. “Disagreement”, covering a multitude of sins such as “betrayal”, “judgment”, “hurt” and their cousins…

There is a bitter residue that pain leaves. It leaves resentment, it leaves scars. It leaves a lot of ugly slime that needs to be cleaned away. The predicament always arises when one tries to figure out ‘how’ to clean up the mess life has made of you. So quite often, we will cover it up with a pretty carpet and pretend that somehow science will allow it to vanish through reverse osmosis (or some beautiful reaction) back into the ground.

The result though is usually quite far from that. We will either become what we are trying to fight off or we will simply carry the hurt and become enslaved to it and it will change us.

Something that will surely shock anyone who has read half of my blog posts, tweets, facebook updates is that I too, struggle with cleaning up the mess. So even though I seem quite ‘clued-up’ on the process: I internalize a lot of things. So that’s been my tiny project lately: an internal clean up because at some really naïve point in my life I decided that the minute I am hurt I will become hard. I thought: I will harden my heart & dismiss every “weak emotion” that even dares to come up. Not a smart theory, Socrates should’ve warned me about this in one of his theories.

So, in the process all that happens is that your brain becomes soft. As you harden your heart & build concrete walls around your soul, you leave your mind barren & confused because it is really unnatural. It relates quite closely to the phrase: “hurt people hurt people.”

Hurt people, hurt other people because they are weak. They have not cleaned up the mess in their hearts & so they walk around with false bravado. It really is a scary philosophy that we follow as human beings: celebrating steel-walls of human beings & labeling them as ‘strong’ and, mocking the fragile people that DARE to even shed a tear, when the latter are ultimately the strongest of our Human species.

So what does one have to do: Confront the hurt. Stand up to the pain. Release the resentment & be real with yourself. Soften your heart & reinforce your mind because ultimately, strength is seen through humility and forgiveness. Also, be gentle on yourself because it takes time but also be firm because it shouldn’t turn into a pity party.

The strongest people that I have come across in life are the one’s with the most forgiving and beautiful hearts: 🙂 and they know who they are, one is my gorgeous friend who has a blog titled “Daughter of A King” you will find it in my “blogs I follow” section. If you’re a single mom or even just a woman in need of guidance on forgiving & healing through God’s word, I’d urge you to read it.

I learn so much from the graceful people that are around me. I’m grateful for that.

QUOTE: “The stronger you become, the gentler you will be.”

Life is Amazing,Stay Committed.

🙂

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The One’s That Birthed Us

There is always a stage in a female’s life where she clashes with her mother. Where one young female stands up to another much older female & demands to be released from her firm grasp; demands to be understood; demands to be heard. Its inevitable and for a fraction of our lives we see the woman that birthed us as a burden or a hindrance. Its sad (on the surface yes) but beneath that its just one of nature’s turbulences that help us grow.

My mother and I were practically bestfriends (with the occasional fight) for most of my young years. She adored me & I adored her. She provided for me & I returned the favour by excelling at everything I did. It wasn’t until I wanted to break free & pursue my inner passions like writing & art that a wedge began to form between us. I managed to keep the turbulence gentle enough to sustain our relationship till I started university & did Engineering. After my 2nd year I left what wasn’t really my dream. The turbulence got vicious & I was no longer her shining star.

Within all of this I would ask her why she was so hard on me even though I was very responsible (working and studying) and loved her to bits. Her answer was always the same & it still is to this day: “I am hard on you because I know your potential. I am hard on you because I know you can do so much & I want you to become someone I can be proud of.” These words baffled me until I moved from home a year ago & was 100% responsible for the path I am carving. I mentioned in my previous blog post that my mother knows me at my most organic state.

I know each of us has these struggles with our moms, of feeling misunderstood and judged sometimes. The pressure they put on us is simply pressure to transform us into diamonds. 🙂 yes! Sure, they may project their own dreams on us but that’s because they see themselves as well in the glimmer in our eyes. They are strong for us when we are young so we may grow up & be strong for them when they are old. This is a theory I have developed for myself.

It is very easy to terminate a pregnancy or abandon a new born child. Have you looked in the newspaper lately? It takes a numbing of the heart & turning one’s head away from selflessness and love to abandon a life. We should appreciate the women that chose to carry us, birth us, raise us and love us. We should love them with their flaws and appreciate ever sacrifice they have made.

And, to the ones that have lost their moms remember that like energy we are never really destroyed: we simply transformed from one state to another. Souls do live on & they can live within us, the space can be shared. The investments they have made in your life can never be erased & all around us we are surrounded by 2nd and 3rd moms, take heed of phenomenal females who can impart wisdom & love to you.

A gift from me to all females, moms, sisters, friends, moms-to-be: Get yourself a copy of “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. She too, is an amazing spiritual mother with a wealth of wisdom & healing.

Happy Mother’s Day. You’re all phenomenal.

Stay Committed & have a great week.

🙂

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.


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Becoming that which we have killed.

 

I would never really notice when someone was giving their all. Honestly, I blind myself to self-sacrifices because I know how personal they can be, I know they come from a place more sacred than the mind, this place is the heart. I stay away from hearts (now) and I guard my own too. Secondly, I did not notice because quite frankly I don’t know when I received this lesson or these lessons but I grew up self-sufficient. At some point in my childhood my third eye opened and I saw what my naive normal eyes couldn’t see and that was that I am my own hero. Not to say that I am island, never. But, that I am my first source of strength and the well I quench from is the Divine one and never a companion or a person.

 

Truth is we all face some sort of struggles as we grow, whether it is personal demons that we fight in order to improve ourselves  as or it is external hurdles that we constantly have to leap over. But there is one thing that I have recently learned:

We may fight our demons, sleigh those dragons and rise from all kinds of desperation and pain but if we do not acknowledge and forgive that which has harmed us it will always become who we are later on. We will become that which we have killed. If you look into the mirror with honest eyes you will see the faint reflection of your enemy staring back. A part of you now ofcourse because you invited him in, you let him stay because you were not strong enough to look him in the eye and say “goodbye & go well, I forgive you”.

These last words, most of the time unspoken but felt, thought, affirmed, are so important. Listen, it is not enough to forgive and release people alone, we also have to forgive ourselves. I know it is hard to forgive ourselves for the pain we have endured but if life was that predictable and we could avoid every stumble we would never learn. You do not have that much control over what befalls you daily, some lessons simply find us, and as we know if we have faith in what is Divine and good it all works out for the greater good of ourselves in the end. Forgive yourself first.

I have walked around with lumps in my throat for a while, forgiven everyone and every rock that I knocked my toe against except the woman who needs it most and that is myself. I asked for strength and I recieved it, but as a woman I have said that our strength is different, we do not show strength with as much command and aggression as males but rather it is silent, unspoken and gently walks into the room. Felt, but never commanding.

My wish is more for us as woman to heal in a way that not only strengthens us but also grants us our gentle nature back. I only understood this when I spoke to a mature friend of mine who had been raped and the maturity, calm and contentment with which she spoke about her rape humbled me so greatly. I searched her eyes for the reflection of the man that stripped her of her innocence but he was no where to be seen. She had forgiven, released and had been granted her gentleness back.

I am not a sexist. I will always believe in the empowerment of women but I also believe in respecting our fairer sex and understanding that we need eachother and the one can never take on the other’s role.

THOUGHT: That we may regain our strength but our gentleness too, woman.

QUOTE: “To be strong does not mean to sprout muscles and flex. It means meeting one’s own numinosity without fleeing, actively living with the wild nature in one’s own way. It means to be able to learn, to be able to stand what we know. It means to stand and live”- Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estës (Author of Women Who Run With The Wolves – A must read please 🙂

Stay committed. 🙂


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A Decision to Heal

I just think that perhaps we should not be seeking to find “better” but we should be releasing, healing and rebuilding our faith in people.

There are breakups and then there are BREAKUPS, there are betrayals and then there are BETRAYALS, etc. We have all been hurt, disappointed, confused, perplexed at how people can treat us in a way that is completely unrelated to the royal treatment that they spoke of. There are disappointments that simply whisp by and we live and there are disappointments that leave people shattered on icy, foreign, lonely ground. The hardest thing is then to stand up again with a renewed mind and spirit and hope again.

What does it take though? Does it take time? It is said that time heals all but I beg to differ. A decision to heal, heals all. Heartless you say? No, it is not a heartless thought because if time heals all then we could all lock ourselves up in a room and wait for the clock to tick away all our misery. Healing comes from a decision and from that decision, action is birthed and actively, we make choices to feel better every day. If time healed all then people would not breakdown after years of sweeping misery under the carpet and pretending that life goes on.

Life goes on but it won’t drag you along with it. Life goes on with or without us, so we once again have to decide to go on with life. We all know this, to be honest. But as fragile human becomings we wish that somehow life will just carry us with it and hack away at all the weeds and thorns that would’ve hurt us. If only it were so.

Responsibility. We are responsible for our thoughts, our feelings, our fears, our beliefs, our aspirations and everything else that influences are present disposition and decisions. The world won’t always sing just because we want it to. This is where resilience steps in and we have to continue regardless.

Exes and Why’s. Put the pencil down,Rip the paper apart, discard of it and realise that life does not entertain pitiful games. Show me one person who has triumphed by complaining and succeeded by constantly having excuses.

Am i wise? Do i birth these epiphanies out of my own intelligence and strength? I will happily say “no” and I am glad that I don’t because it makes life that more worthy of living. It makes having someone who believes in you even at your weakest and bruised that much more comforting. It makes healing more probable. Healing has a beautiful side, that side when when the wound has healed, scabbed and the scar is silently fading away. I’ll be writing about this side soon. But for now, there are harder and more pressing issues to ponder about with regards to Life.

Commit to Your Life.
🙂


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Big feet and Small hearts

“Giving him your heart to stand on will never make a man out of him, just a taller boy”- Jasmine Mans & Alysia Harris, My 2 favourite poets.

I stumbled on this quote yesterday as I was doing research on these two ladies. Ofcourse, it was one of those “mmmhh” moments. When even the brain itself takes a second to pause and say “wow, I did not think of that…but it makes so much sense” then it does what it does best and rewinds to every single moment, scenario and story that relates. Picking the heart apart and saying: you ought to be a bit more cautious.

I am not going to make this a sexist declaration of how victimised we as women are because I know that vulnerability and self-sacrifice spreads beyond gender barriers. But, what makes us think that giving more will make us receive more? If the world worked that way then we would all be happy and safe. Not to say that we should not give our hearts but I say give cautiously and give where it is nurtured.

We tend to think that we can “change”people, we think that we can “earn” affection, loyalty, commitment or love by sacrificing more of ourselves. The “We” I speak of are the “feelers”of the world, the “We”s that inspired Shakespeare to create the phrase “wearing your heart on your sleeve”. I am one and I have come across some and cupped my aching heart in my hands because we need to balance the war between emotion and logic.

Love is never earned. It is not a wage that you should labour for, it is not a trophy for good behaviour, or a medal for coming first. Love is given freely so how then can you place your heart on an altar as a sacrificial lamb? Perhaps we need to define “love”a bit better and understand what we deserve a bit clearer.

I know women and I know men that have been trampled upon and reduced to ashes only to re-group and continue to be a step ladder for someone to stand taller. Big feet and small hearts – these two should never know eachother. Cherish your heart for out of it stems life and your very breath. Protect your worth and self-respect because it is the very robe that clothes your soul and shields your mind. Whether it is family, a lover, friends, a boss, colleagues, in business, a stranger or even an enemy: Your heart is not something to stand on.

Take responsibility for your wellbeing and guard your soul.

Life is Amazing. Commit to it 🙂