Committing To Life

Committing, Celebrating and Growing through Life


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Words and Scars

A thought hit me the other day. I think it was a week ago. I thought about all the christians I had interacted with in my life and the non-christians I’d interacted with who flinched when I mentioned ‘church’. Their reasons were constant throughout, regardless of age, sex, race, they all gave me the same response: “I don’t like christians and I don’t like church because I don’t want to be judged.”

In the beginning I dismissed it as utter ignorance because I thought heck! The rules are there, just adhere to them. I had never been judged by a christian because I was too young. There is only so much that life revealed to me before I was, let’s say, at the age of 22. Which was only a year ago.

The purpose of this post is not to dissect the realities of church and human beings. That is a massive debate that I will not even stir up today. The purpose of my post relates to the thought that then hit me a week ago.

I thought to myself: the bible is truly poetic. Especially in the way it has depicted the ‘Enemy’. It is either too poetic or we as people are not interpreting it correctly. The “Enemy” ie. The Devil, is depicted as a monstrous and scary spirit (of which he is) but he is also small, non-intimidating and strategic in his moves. He is so slick in ways that we don’t even realize that he is as easy to breathe in and let out as oxygen.

As people we focus so much on depicting what is heinous and disgusting in another person that we forget that the mere act of judging is the enemy’s work.

If you have something bad to say about everyone and anyone then you need to press pause and do a routine check on your thoughts. If you don’t know someone’s story from birth to the present then don’t even utter an opinionated word. Words are powerful & most of the time we don’t even hold the rights to utter them in enormous weights. Speak words that build or don’t speak at all.

I have suffered from all sorts of insecurities in my younger years. From weight issues (even though I have never even been overweight in retrospect) to merely feeling like my nose was too big. My journey of moving from a young girl raised in a single-parent home with various struggles, to being a working young lady and student at 16 taught me a lot of resilience and the self-sufficiency it taught me showed me just how much strength and tenacity I had. It taught me to never bring people down because I know what being stuck in the grips of depression feels like.

But as I grew older, especially in the previous year I found myself being hurled at with the most atrocious words. From being mocked because I was raised by a single mom (so apparently that means I have male issues) to being told I am self-absorbed.

There were many times I wanted to take my own life but the thought of what it would do to my mother shattered me. The thought of how she took care of us even in the darkest hours before the dawn that never even came. I was extremely humbled by her love and strength. I still am – it brings me to tears. A lot of the decisions I have made have been centered on pleasing my mother. Not in the moment, but definitely in the future that I am building. But my tenacity and focus is simply translated as “overly ambitious” and “self-absorbed” to people that do not know my story.

The worst thing you could do as a man would be to compare a woman to another woman when each person ultimately bears different burdens and their own insecurities and fears. It is unmanly and it is disgusting.

I would rather bite my tongue and have my silence mistaken for sulking than utter words that break another human being. The devil does not reside in the knife, or the gun, or the killer’s heart, or the rapist, or the criminal, or the gay/lesbian, or the fornicator, or the drunkard. The devil resides comfortably in our thoughts and our tongues.

The process of healing from words is a hard and necessary process. Before you say something think about what scars it will leave on another person’s soul. And, before you accept someone’s judgment as “your truth”, go back to your purpose and journey and re-commit to your life.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK AND BEYOND: Do a routine check on your thoughts and understand before you speak. Love yourself enough to care about the world your life is immersed in.

QUOTE: “Be kind to yourself and others. Come from love every moment you can.” – Chopra Foundation

Stay Committed.
🙂


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Hard Hearts & Soft Minds

Firstly, I do apologize for the inconsistency in my posts & I appreciate every one who has subscribed to my blog 😀 thank you, receiving that email every time you press “follow” makes me want to write every day & make a difference in some way in your hearts/minds.

I really value routine and order but applying it here, I’d have to suppress an idea when it wants to be born and have to draft it & stare at it for days till I’m “allowed” to post it or simply post something mundane because I HAVE to post something. So, there’s a time & place for rules and order, and unfortunately my blog is linked to my thoughts so really, order cannot reside here. 🙂

I posted a discussion last year on healing titled: Becoming That Which We Have Killed. Basically I discussed what happens when we don’t forgive the monsters we conquer. I want to discuss again, another result of not forgiving ourselves and those that we disagree with on our life path. “Disagreement”, covering a multitude of sins such as “betrayal”, “judgment”, “hurt” and their cousins…

There is a bitter residue that pain leaves. It leaves resentment, it leaves scars. It leaves a lot of ugly slime that needs to be cleaned away. The predicament always arises when one tries to figure out ‘how’ to clean up the mess life has made of you. So quite often, we will cover it up with a pretty carpet and pretend that somehow science will allow it to vanish through reverse osmosis (or some beautiful reaction) back into the ground.

The result though is usually quite far from that. We will either become what we are trying to fight off or we will simply carry the hurt and become enslaved to it and it will change us.

Something that will surely shock anyone who has read half of my blog posts, tweets, facebook updates is that I too, struggle with cleaning up the mess. So even though I seem quite ‘clued-up’ on the process: I internalize a lot of things. So that’s been my tiny project lately: an internal clean up because at some really naïve point in my life I decided that the minute I am hurt I will become hard. I thought: I will harden my heart & dismiss every “weak emotion” that even dares to come up. Not a smart theory, Socrates should’ve warned me about this in one of his theories.

So, in the process all that happens is that your brain becomes soft. As you harden your heart & build concrete walls around your soul, you leave your mind barren & confused because it is really unnatural. It relates quite closely to the phrase: “hurt people hurt people.”

Hurt people, hurt other people because they are weak. They have not cleaned up the mess in their hearts & so they walk around with false bravado. It really is a scary philosophy that we follow as human beings: celebrating steel-walls of human beings & labeling them as ‘strong’ and, mocking the fragile people that DARE to even shed a tear, when the latter are ultimately the strongest of our Human species.

So what does one have to do: Confront the hurt. Stand up to the pain. Release the resentment & be real with yourself. Soften your heart & reinforce your mind because ultimately, strength is seen through humility and forgiveness. Also, be gentle on yourself because it takes time but also be firm because it shouldn’t turn into a pity party.

The strongest people that I have come across in life are the one’s with the most forgiving and beautiful hearts: 🙂 and they know who they are, one is my gorgeous friend who has a blog titled “Daughter of A King” you will find it in my “blogs I follow” section. If you’re a single mom or even just a woman in need of guidance on forgiving & healing through God’s word, I’d urge you to read it.

I learn so much from the graceful people that are around me. I’m grateful for that.

QUOTE: “The stronger you become, the gentler you will be.”

Life is Amazing,Stay Committed.

🙂

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Frayed Brushes & Distorted Portraits

My mother said to me: “Since when do you care about other people? You used to be so determined and driven to achieve what you want, what the next person thought didn’t matter. When did you change?”

It felt as if she was talking about someone else because she shocked me so much I couldn’t quite relate what she said to who I am. Being a thinker and a writer it tortured my mind to its depths because it baffled me how my strength had sneaked out & left remnants of fear & weakness.

We can’t attribute it to growth because growth finds seeds within us that need to be nurtured and grows them. Growth taps into our potential and harnesses it, sculpting it to what it is meant to be. Growth prunes the shoots that aren’t growing right and allows them to re-grow and take shape correctly. So no, its not growth that completely overturns our character; growth enhances and refines, it doesn’t completely change and create something different.

We change when we are afraid of our own strength. We change when we intimidate others. We relinquish our inner power when we are painted with the wrong brush and take on the strokes and bad paint to become what others think of us. We shake off the determination when we look back at the ditch of failure it ‘mistakenly’ led us to. ‘Mistakenly’ being a misnomer because failure is always there simply to re-direct us and build us. It is never a mistake.

I always ask young people, when we speak in-depth about our dreams, if the little girl/boy they were 10-15 years ago is proud of who they are right now? The dreams they had – did they relinquish any of them because they were apparently ‘absurd’? That fearless character they had – did it get warped by fear and failure?

The more I thought about it over the past two days the more it just made sense to me. My mother knows me at my most ‘organic’. Where I wasn’t tainted by the world or covered with everyone’s opinions and brush strokes. Because beneath the bad paint-work and frayed brushes I’ve been painted with, my true portrait remains the same.

The same remains true for each of us. Tap back into your ‘organic self’, relive your dreams and gain back that character you had because that is your true portrait. Life is one long journey of learning but it should never alter who we are. It should grow us and refine us.

Wipe away the brush strokes and accept those that have pruned you and refined you but let your true self shine through at its best potential.

Have an amazing week.

Life is amazing. Stay committed.
🙂

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Plight of a Warrior woman

He said to me: “she is a year younger than you, has a son and no family. And yet, she is so much nicer than you.”

My question would’ve been: “If she is so strong and resilient why is she soaking your shoulder with tears and hanging her entire history on a ‘public-broadcast’ line. If I am so weak how come I haven’t choked through my tears and told you of days my mother couldn’t feed us, getting kicked out and seeing death as the most viable solution?”

And yet, as usual I contained the pain and realized my strength had failed me in a relationship, yet again; Not just my un-defeatable strength but my determination and the fact that I have never lost touch with how much my soul is worth – I am a gem.

What is the role of a woman in society, families, business and relationships if we have to assume a lesser position, a victim position a fragile demeanor, in order to be cherished?

I have always been compared to warriors: ‘you are the next Oprah, you should write a book, you’re an inspiration..’ Etc. For the first time in my life I was compared to a woman who was eager to paint the town walls with her struggles and lure a man into her heart by seeming like a damsel in distress.

I’m terribly sorry but I will never release my power in order to be adored. See, just like there are different coloured jelly beans in a packet, there are also different calibres of men and women in the world.

It pains my heart to see a woman downscale on who she is just to suit a man’s whims. We are human beings, actually human becomings, and so we are on a path of constant growth and rediscovery. That path has nothing to do with assuming a lesser position.

The plights of a strong woman are insanely difficult and I have seen it. A challenge to men is to man up and a challenge to women is to woman up. It has nothing to do with downscaling to suit a person’s whims.

Let’s have a great week 🙂

Stay committed.

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Big feet and Small hearts

“Giving him your heart to stand on will never make a man out of him, just a taller boy”- Jasmine Mans & Alysia Harris, My 2 favourite poets.

I stumbled on this quote yesterday as I was doing research on these two ladies. Ofcourse, it was one of those “mmmhh” moments. When even the brain itself takes a second to pause and say “wow, I did not think of that…but it makes so much sense” then it does what it does best and rewinds to every single moment, scenario and story that relates. Picking the heart apart and saying: you ought to be a bit more cautious.

I am not going to make this a sexist declaration of how victimised we as women are because I know that vulnerability and self-sacrifice spreads beyond gender barriers. But, what makes us think that giving more will make us receive more? If the world worked that way then we would all be happy and safe. Not to say that we should not give our hearts but I say give cautiously and give where it is nurtured.

We tend to think that we can “change”people, we think that we can “earn” affection, loyalty, commitment or love by sacrificing more of ourselves. The “We” I speak of are the “feelers”of the world, the “We”s that inspired Shakespeare to create the phrase “wearing your heart on your sleeve”. I am one and I have come across some and cupped my aching heart in my hands because we need to balance the war between emotion and logic.

Love is never earned. It is not a wage that you should labour for, it is not a trophy for good behaviour, or a medal for coming first. Love is given freely so how then can you place your heart on an altar as a sacrificial lamb? Perhaps we need to define “love”a bit better and understand what we deserve a bit clearer.

I know women and I know men that have been trampled upon and reduced to ashes only to re-group and continue to be a step ladder for someone to stand taller. Big feet and small hearts – these two should never know eachother. Cherish your heart for out of it stems life and your very breath. Protect your worth and self-respect because it is the very robe that clothes your soul and shields your mind. Whether it is family, a lover, friends, a boss, colleagues, in business, a stranger or even an enemy: Your heart is not something to stand on.

Take responsibility for your wellbeing and guard your soul.

Life is Amazing. Commit to it 🙂