Committing To Life

Committing, Celebrating and Growing through Life


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Cold Wars

“I’ll tell her that I know what it’s like to drag a woman out of a Cold War and then being to worn to clean up the battlefield it has made of her.” – Jasmine Mans (Dear Ex Lover)

Definitely one of my favourite artists (poets) and definitely one of her most potent poems I’ve heard. ‘Dear ex-lover’ may be a poem written about abandoned hearts and lost love but I feel like its meaning transcends all sorts of life’s facets: Ex-dreams; ex-failures; ex-victories; ex-companions; ex-courage; ex-pain; ex-scars. Remnants of our sanity left scattered after long cold wars that leave us too scared to embrace any warmth or even believe in the soft embrace of hope.

How often do we find ourselves crawling from our life’s battlefields left so worn out that we lose the will and strength to clean ourselves up and embrace a new season? This thought hit me weeks ago when Spring began and I thought back to a year ago and where I was emotionally and mentally and I thought ‘damn, my how things change.’ I thought to myself, how beautiful is it that the sun rose one morning to signal the beginning of Spring and we swiftly forgot how cold it was a week ago? I was overwhelmed and amazed by how beautifully synchronized nature is and how everything really has a season. It sparked more thoughts in my mind about a topic I like to delve in a lot: healing. I thought about the terrible Winters I had once been immersed in, the cold wars I had struggled with for years until I accepted the end and whether it was a victory or not, I had survived and I had to clean myself up for peace and a fresh start and that’s all that mattered.

I am a reflector by nature and a prude analyst (which sometimes isn’t so good) but as Socrates said “An unexamined life is not worth living.” So I track my emotions, responses and thoughts all the time and somehow I did see a change in things. I had decided to raise my white flag and accept my scars as the warm sun rays warmed the rifles I carried through my darkest hours, turning them into heavy keys to unlock the shackles of my Winter.

So what I am trying to say is that as ‘feelers’, us people who write, know what it is like to go through all sorts of life’s trials and lessons. We know what it is like to fight, kill mercilessly just to survive, flee when it is dangerous and emerge out of hardships that fall incessantly like raindrops in a hard storm and wonder if we will ever ‘live’ again and if life will ever offer us another Spring. Sometimes we remain so closely attached to our hardships that we do not know when it is time to get clean, put on some blusher and allow our cheeks to be kissed gently by new beginnings. I admire strength in human beings but we can never remain in ‘fight mode’ even when it is time for us to transform from bullets into butterflies. Yes you are too worn but you are still breathing – your life is worth another take, another chance, another scene.

What I have learned is that as tough as it is sometimes we may block our own sunlight because we have married the darkness that was never committed to us in the first place. Release yourself from your Winter and acknowledge your ‘exes’ – your ex-dreams, failures, disappointments, negative thoughts, failures etc. Acknowledge them, take in the lessons and move on to your new season.

It is not about adopting an idealistic view but it is about letting go of what needs to be let go and accept what needs to be received and allowing what needs to begin to commence in your life.

None of us has been predestined to a lifetime of darkness or hardships. Find one thing that you love and is worth living for and let it give your legs strength to accept that your time to shine and be fuelled with passion and light has come then run.

Have a splendid week and Happy Spring 🙂

QUOTE: “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery because none but ourselves can free our minds.” – Bob Marley

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Failure is not Fatal

I knew I had grown the day I realized that failure didn’t mean the end, I knew I had learned a lot when I understood that success ultimately separates quitters from those who persevere. One of my biggest fears used to be failing and I would flinch at the thought of being embarrassed by not being “good” at something.

As I grew in this Life thing, I realized that sulking from failure ultimately holds you back. That’s what the drawing board is there for, its there for you to go back to and improve, coach and re-design yourself and your plans when things don’t pan out as expected. The worst thing you could do would be to stop trying and ultimately hold yourself back from everything you deserve and are capable of.

A week ago on 16 May I had my driving test which I was unbelievably nervous about (that fear of failure is still there). It did not go well, 4 minutes into it my legs were shaking so badly and I was so scared that I went forward instead of back. Long story short, I swallowed my pride and scolded at my tears to “please stay out of this one!” I had to book for another test date and my eyes had to be clear for the eye test. Much to my delight and fear (simultaneously) I got a test date for the following week. So here I was granted a second chance to clear my head, dismiss the fear and decide to succeed – fast.

In that whirlwind of emotions that I was currently immersed in, I decided that should it go well I would write about failure in my next blog post. So here I was with one week to go to my test date knowing that 1) I need to pass and get a licence, I do need a car of my own don’t I? and 2) if I don’t pass then I’ve ruined my next blog post. Talk about pressure!

Well here I am posting about rising from failure so 24 May was a very happy afternoon for me.

I could not get my licence in high school because my mother couldn’t afford to pay for my lessons, so I spent the last couple of years trying to sort out my own finances to get it. It (the licence) always being last on my priority list because food & survival was at the top.

It helps that its something that we HAVE to have (unless you’re really a fan of frustration & taxis). But what about the things we can delay for years? How about we apply the same sense of urgency to everything we would like to achieve? Whatever it is that is a mission to achieve and accomplish for you right now: take it back to the drawing board, if its worth it and you want it you’ll find a way.

Whether its your exams (the season has arrived), a project, a work-related initiative, a new job, a relationship that is crumbling, a weight-loss goal and whatever else you are faced with right now that had failed or is threatening to fail: take it and yourself back to the drawing back. Work, improve, research, counsel with those wiser than you & most importantly persevere.

Wishing you all a fantastic week.

Stay committed & if you have a great experience to share re. Rising above failure I’d love to hear about & I know someone else there needs it too.

🙂