Committing To Life

Committing, Celebrating and Growing through Life


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The One’s That Birthed Us

There is always a stage in a female’s life where she clashes with her mother. Where one young female stands up to another much older female & demands to be released from her firm grasp; demands to be understood; demands to be heard. Its inevitable and for a fraction of our lives we see the woman that birthed us as a burden or a hindrance. Its sad (on the surface yes) but beneath that its just one of nature’s turbulences that help us grow.

My mother and I were practically bestfriends (with the occasional fight) for most of my young years. She adored me & I adored her. She provided for me & I returned the favour by excelling at everything I did. It wasn’t until I wanted to break free & pursue my inner passions like writing & art that a wedge began to form between us. I managed to keep the turbulence gentle enough to sustain our relationship till I started university & did Engineering. After my 2nd year I left what wasn’t really my dream. The turbulence got vicious & I was no longer her shining star.

Within all of this I would ask her why she was so hard on me even though I was very responsible (working and studying) and loved her to bits. Her answer was always the same & it still is to this day: “I am hard on you because I know your potential. I am hard on you because I know you can do so much & I want you to become someone I can be proud of.” These words baffled me until I moved from home a year ago & was 100% responsible for the path I am carving. I mentioned in my previous blog post that my mother knows me at my most organic state.

I know each of us has these struggles with our moms, of feeling misunderstood and judged sometimes. The pressure they put on us is simply pressure to transform us into diamonds. 🙂 yes! Sure, they may project their own dreams on us but that’s because they see themselves as well in the glimmer in our eyes. They are strong for us when we are young so we may grow up & be strong for them when they are old. This is a theory I have developed for myself.

It is very easy to terminate a pregnancy or abandon a new born child. Have you looked in the newspaper lately? It takes a numbing of the heart & turning one’s head away from selflessness and love to abandon a life. We should appreciate the women that chose to carry us, birth us, raise us and love us. We should love them with their flaws and appreciate ever sacrifice they have made.

And, to the ones that have lost their moms remember that like energy we are never really destroyed: we simply transformed from one state to another. Souls do live on & they can live within us, the space can be shared. The investments they have made in your life can never be erased & all around us we are surrounded by 2nd and 3rd moms, take heed of phenomenal females who can impart wisdom & love to you.

A gift from me to all females, moms, sisters, friends, moms-to-be: Get yourself a copy of “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola EstĂ©s. She too, is an amazing spiritual mother with a wealth of wisdom & healing.

Happy Mother’s Day. You’re all phenomenal.

Stay Committed & have a great week.

🙂

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Becoming that which we have killed.

 

I would never really notice when someone was giving their all. Honestly, I blind myself to self-sacrifices because I know how personal they can be, I know they come from a place more sacred than the mind, this place is the heart. I stay away from hearts (now) and I guard my own too. Secondly, I did not notice because quite frankly I don’t know when I received this lesson or these lessons but I grew up self-sufficient. At some point in my childhood my third eye opened and I saw what my naive normal eyes couldn’t see and that was that I am my own hero. Not to say that I am island, never. But, that I am my first source of strength and the well I quench from is the Divine one and never a companion or a person.

 

Truth is we all face some sort of struggles as we grow, whether it is personal demons that we fight in order to improve ourselves  as or it is external hurdles that we constantly have to leap over. But there is one thing that I have recently learned:

We may fight our demons, sleigh those dragons and rise from all kinds of desperation and pain but if we do not acknowledge and forgive that which has harmed us it will always become who we are later on. We will become that which we have killed. If you look into the mirror with honest eyes you will see the faint reflection of your enemy staring back. A part of you now ofcourse because you invited him in, you let him stay because you were not strong enough to look him in the eye and say “goodbye & go well, I forgive you”.

These last words, most of the time unspoken but felt, thought, affirmed, are so important. Listen, it is not enough to forgive and release people alone, we also have to forgive ourselves. I know it is hard to forgive ourselves for the pain we have endured but if life was that predictable and we could avoid every stumble we would never learn. You do not have that much control over what befalls you daily, some lessons simply find us, and as we know if we have faith in what is Divine and good it all works out for the greater good of ourselves in the end. Forgive yourself first.

I have walked around with lumps in my throat for a while, forgiven everyone and every rock that I knocked my toe against except the woman who needs it most and that is myself. I asked for strength and I recieved it, but as a woman I have said that our strength is different, we do not show strength with as much command and aggression as males but rather it is silent, unspoken and gently walks into the room. Felt, but never commanding.

My wish is more for us as woman to heal in a way that not only strengthens us but also grants us our gentle nature back. I only understood this when I spoke to a mature friend of mine who had been raped and the maturity, calm and contentment with which she spoke about her rape humbled me so greatly. I searched her eyes for the reflection of the man that stripped her of her innocence but he was no where to be seen. She had forgiven, released and had been granted her gentleness back.

I am not a sexist. I will always believe in the empowerment of women but I also believe in respecting our fairer sex and understanding that we need eachother and the one can never take on the other’s role.

THOUGHT: That we may regain our strength but our gentleness too, woman.

QUOTE: “To be strong does not mean to sprout muscles and flex. It means meeting one’s own numinosity without fleeing, actively living with the wild nature in one’s own way. It means to be able to learn, to be able to stand what we know. It means to stand and live”- Dr. Clarissa Pinkola EstĂ«s (Author of Women Who Run With The Wolves – A must read please 🙂

Stay committed. 🙂