Becoming that which we have killed.

 

I would never really notice when someone was giving their all. Honestly, I blind myself to self-sacrifices because I know how personal they can be, I know they come from a place more sacred than the mind, this place is the heart. I stay away from hearts (now) and I guard my own too. Secondly, I did not notice because quite frankly I don’t know when I received this lesson or these lessons but I grew up self-sufficient. At some point in my childhood my third eye opened and I saw what my naive normal eyes couldn’t see and that was that I am my own hero. Not to say that I am island, never. But, that I am my first source of strength and the well I quench from is the Divine one and never a companion or a person.

 

Truth is we all face some sort of struggles as we grow, whether it is personal demons that we fight in order to improve ourselves  as or it is external hurdles that we constantly have to leap over. But there is one thing that I have recently learned:

We may fight our demons, sleigh those dragons and rise from all kinds of desperation and pain but if we do not acknowledge and forgive that which has harmed us it will always become who we are later on. We will become that which we have killed. If you look into the mirror with honest eyes you will see the faint reflection of your enemy staring back. A part of you now ofcourse because you invited him in, you let him stay because you were not strong enough to look him in the eye and say “goodbye & go well, I forgive you”.

These last words, most of the time unspoken but felt, thought, affirmed, are so important. Listen, it is not enough to forgive and release people alone, we also have to forgive ourselves. I know it is hard to forgive ourselves for the pain we have endured but if life was that predictable and we could avoid every stumble we would never learn. You do not have that much control over what befalls you daily, some lessons simply find us, and as we know if we have faith in what is Divine and good it all works out for the greater good of ourselves in the end. Forgive yourself first.

I have walked around with lumps in my throat for a while, forgiven everyone and every rock that I knocked my toe against except the woman who needs it most and that is myself. I asked for strength and I recieved it, but as a woman I have said that our strength is different, we do not show strength with as much command and aggression as males but rather it is silent, unspoken and gently walks into the room. Felt, but never commanding.

My wish is more for us as woman to heal in a way that not only strengthens us but also grants us our gentle nature back. I only understood this when I spoke to a mature friend of mine who had been raped and the maturity, calm and contentment with which she spoke about her rape humbled me so greatly. I searched her eyes for the reflection of the man that stripped her of her innocence but he was no where to be seen. She had forgiven, released and had been granted her gentleness back.

I am not a sexist. I will always believe in the empowerment of women but I also believe in respecting our fairer sex and understanding that we need eachother and the one can never take on the other’s role.

THOUGHT: That we may regain our strength but our gentleness too, woman.

QUOTE: “To be strong does not mean to sprout muscles and flex. It means meeting one’s own numinosity without fleeing, actively living with the wild nature in one’s own way. It means to be able to learn, to be able to stand what we know. It means to stand and live”- Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estës (Author of Women Who Run With The Wolves – A must read please 🙂

Stay committed. 🙂

Big feet and Small hearts

“Giving him your heart to stand on will never make a man out of him, just a taller boy”- Jasmine Mans & Alysia Harris, My 2 favourite poets.

I stumbled on this quote yesterday as I was doing research on these two ladies. Ofcourse, it was one of those “mmmhh” moments. When even the brain itself takes a second to pause and say “wow, I did not think of that…but it makes so much sense” then it does what it does best and rewinds to every single moment, scenario and story that relates. Picking the heart apart and saying: you ought to be a bit more cautious.

I am not going to make this a sexist declaration of how victimised we as women are because I know that vulnerability and self-sacrifice spreads beyond gender barriers. But, what makes us think that giving more will make us receive more? If the world worked that way then we would all be happy and safe. Not to say that we should not give our hearts but I say give cautiously and give where it is nurtured.

We tend to think that we can “change”people, we think that we can “earn” affection, loyalty, commitment or love by sacrificing more of ourselves. The “We” I speak of are the “feelers”of the world, the “We”s that inspired Shakespeare to create the phrase “wearing your heart on your sleeve”. I am one and I have come across some and cupped my aching heart in my hands because we need to balance the war between emotion and logic.

Love is never earned. It is not a wage that you should labour for, it is not a trophy for good behaviour, or a medal for coming first. Love is given freely so how then can you place your heart on an altar as a sacrificial lamb? Perhaps we need to define “love”a bit better and understand what we deserve a bit clearer.

I know women and I know men that have been trampled upon and reduced to ashes only to re-group and continue to be a step ladder for someone to stand taller. Big feet and small hearts – these two should never know eachother. Cherish your heart for out of it stems life and your very breath. Protect your worth and self-respect because it is the very robe that clothes your soul and shields your mind. Whether it is family, a lover, friends, a boss, colleagues, in business, a stranger or even an enemy: Your heart is not something to stand on.

Take responsibility for your wellbeing and guard your soul.

Life is Amazing. Commit to it 🙂