Ode to The Women

Phoenix.
She rose from battered bones and discarded dreams.
Dusted the sorrow from her cheeks and smoothed down the grooves the tears had set.
Set in her soul.
The pain had created so much destruction her self-worth caved in.

The Book says we were created perfect in his image but this construction gives in so easily to destruction.
Marred by failure: Hope escapes and defies all positive instruction.
But somehow something kept her motivated even though her heart was blacklisted and she found herself undeserving of any love and devotion.

A Single mother who did not even think about terminating the seed that began to grow within her even though she knew she couldn’t build a garden lush enough to nurture it.

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In light of National Women’s Day 9 August 2013 (In South Africa) and to celebrate our National Women’s month I felt the need to share an excerpt from a poem I wrote about my mother titled The Phoenix. We all know the popular tale of the phoenix that burned down to ashes but instead of succumbing to destruction it was reborn, renewed and rose even more splendid than before. The poem was inspired by my mother but ultimately I see the story reflected in a lot of women’s eyes.

I cannot even begin to describe just how many phenomenal women I have met and come across. The sad thing is sometimes we forget just how incredible we are, we forget the battles we have fought and we are left maimed and forget the mountains we have actually climbed. And so, I constantly ask myself what makes us believe that we are so weak when ultimately we are so strong and unbelievably resilient? This time we have to look for the solution within, this time I really think we ought to turn the hand around and point at our chests.

We live in a world where a woman has become so objectified you tend to wonder if we even remember that we have intelligent minds, beautiful hearts (though at times, they may be bruised ) and deep mystical souls. It’s a debate I have had in my mind for a while and somehow I always come back to how women have allowed themselves to become objectified. Sure, appearance is an awesome thing and I think the way you maintain yourself is a reflection of just how much respect and love you have for yourself but what we look like is not all who we are. I may sound like a feminist right now but we have to refuse to be bottled in to nothing but pretty pictures. I know single mothers (young and old), business women who created empires from their own mental capacity and toil, young women who grew up in tarnished homes but somehow grew up to become so beautiful and intelligent, women who have been abused who had the strength to walk away and so many more types of women who serve as shining examples of just how incredible we are. Why do we forget?

And so, after being objectified and labelled by the other sex they write books FOR US on how to live as women. What do we do? We flock to Amazon.com, CNA, Exclusive Books etc. because we hold so little faith in our inherent femininity and wisdom that we continue to seek approval from the outside world instead of consulting with the inside and living honestly with our values. Are we doing it for ourselves or to somehow be “accepted”? Introspection time ladies.

There is so much more to you than you give yourself credit for. Every now and then just look back at all your achievements and all the destruction/failure you have risen from. Do not succumb to other people’s definition of who you are or who you should be – the best person who can define you is yourself. You are not just beautiful, but you are all intelligent, resilient, strong-willed and capable of building not just strong families but massive empires too.

It’s time we take responsibility for how we feel about ourselves and start realizing our greatness. In doing that we should also uplift each other, I cannot fathom how we can wage war against ourselves and each other as well. To the amazing women in my life – thank you for always seeing my light even when I simply see it as a flickering flame. Thank you for being absolutely amazing and I doubt you would have made an impact in who I am if you yourselves were not phenomenal.

Happy Women’s Month.

With Love. 🙂
Stay Committed.

Black Women are Flawed

When I was between the ages of 7 and 15 I thought I was too dark. My nose was too round. I really hated my lips – why were they so full & thick? I hated my body: the day my breasts sprouted & Nature pronounced me “Blossoming Black Rose”. I simply hated the African in me. I did not understand my culture & I did not know how to belong. Too Westernized for ‘Africanism’ and too black for white people.

It wasn’t until I figured out that I don’t have to fit in anywhere, that I had a new-found confidence in myself.

My skin? I loved the soft, light-brown tone of my skin. My curves began to intrigue me. My full lips that had gentle hues of rose brought me warmth. I found the small roundness of my nose cute & I discovered that the confidence with which I walk, stems far beyond and below the Earth I tread.

I found that my confidence had nothing to do with my skin. Confidence, like self-love and many other things, are inside jobs. It was not my skin. My skin was not the catalyst. My skin was not the tool I use to claim my space & command respect.

When I found my confidence I met the black man. I found that stereotypes and the one-track mind of some men led to us, black women, being painted with a different brush.

A brush that made thick & determined strokes of arrogance, demanding, materialistic, lazy, stupid, unforgiving, angry, arrogant, controlling, un-loving, un-affectionate, crazy, insecure, too independent, power-hungry, broken, damaged.

I could really go on but the brush strokes that some black men slander & destroy the image of a black women with is not my concern. My concern is the audacity & lack of respect. The generalization & the negativity.

I cannot speak against or for white women because I have never been white, not even in my past life. I always jokingly refer to having been an Egyptian in my past life. So not even my fantasies can speak up for me. I can speak for women though. I can speak for people.

What I can say is flaws are universal. Flaws penetrate racial & gender barriers. Flaws are part of our human nature. Flaws are not embedded in history, genitals or the amount of melanin found in the skin.

I stand for women. Why? Because I believe that we are strong and intelligent beyond what we fathom. We don’t believe in ourselves because the slightest whiff of self-confidence is dismissed as something negative. We bear children and we build homes, we support men that build even bigger empires outside of the home setting. We ourselves, are capable of building empires outside of the home setting.

I stand for men too. Why? Because I believe each gender plays a different role. That when empowered to do so, men can be nurturing, loving and so phenomenal. But, men have become so stripped of their purpose & power that they believe violence or slandering the other sex will elevate them.

Release it.

As a collective, women have been flawed and as a collective, men have been flawed. To reduce it down to race disappoints me. At my most ignorant stage I thought white men were saviours. It is not about race – it is an internal job that each individual is tasked with.

Black woman: you are not validated by a man, you are not validated by material things, anger doesn’t represent strength, you are capable.

Rise above the stereotypes & focus on your vision. Everything else will then become meaningless static.

I simply stand for people.

Have an amazing week.
🙂

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colours!! :)

I am an absolute sucker for amazing imagery and colour. Given the task to find a training company for a course my manager and I had to, I picked not only the company with the most comprehensive learning material but also the coolest marketing. That being said, they are called VeryCoolIdeas.

Companies put in a lot of effort into branding themselves and identifying WHO they are and WHAT they stand for. They are clear about WHY they are here and who they want to impress and who they’re not targeting. It is a difficult process in this cut throat business world but it reaps great rewards.

So this thought just came to me and I wondered why we as individuals cannot do the same with our Person and our Personal Identity. To know who we are and what we stand for, identify the people that matter and the people’s who’s opinions are not on the NB list.

Because if you know your brand well and have established it in your heart so well, nothing can sway you. Nothing can bring about enough self-doubt to topple you. And, for people to believe in you as an individual you have to believe in Self first and foremost.

Random thoughts on a hot Friday afternoon. I could go on forever.

Let’s stay Committed. Life is amazing.

🙂

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